The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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