What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
