So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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