thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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