The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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