You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
