Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize