I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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