Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
