My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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