Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
