I just made out with a guy for $7.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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