Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
