Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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