There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Randomize
