Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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