I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
