I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
