So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
