Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
