I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
