My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
