I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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