so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
