My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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