It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
