I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
