You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
