I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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