We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
