i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
