apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Your shirt... Was in my pants
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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