Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
