It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
