What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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