I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
