ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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