Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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