Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
