Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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