True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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