Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
