You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize
