I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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