just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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