Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He kissed a someone with a penis
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
