your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
