D3 body, D1 cock
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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