Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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