So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
