My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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