I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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