and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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