I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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