So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So much rum. So many feels.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
