WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
