you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
