Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
