how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
