oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
