there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
