I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
