No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
