Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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