Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
