Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
