I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
