Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
